I can't even begin to describe how weird I feel on Sunday mornings. It is the morning that I wake up the earliest in the whole week, and precisely because it is a Sunday and I know that no one else is awake that I feel absolutely blah.
I mean, not even blah. The point of this whole post is to say how weird I feel. It's the one time during my week when I absolutely HATE my life. From 6:40-7:40 am-ish. I wake up and I think, "argh..." and then as the morning continues and I realize how dark and lonely everything is, I think, "why the heck am I doing this?! I hate my job!"
But of course I don't hate my job! Every other hour of the week I love it and I feel SO blessed!
But I think the strangest things, like about how I just want to die because life is so horrible and dark!
And sometimes (like this morning,) it lasts even longer, even until 8 or 9 am until I start to fully wake up. I play through the first Mass, just like,...totally....blah.
But really, the problem? Wintertime. Waking up without a single fleck of light in the sky. Oh it's awful. And I guess I should compare myself to other more normal working people, who wake up that early *every morning* of the work week, but, I just can't help but thinking, "woe is me...boo hoo..."
and so that is what this entry is about!